DAY FIFTY.

I run around like crazy. Do about a thousand things at the same time. Sleep isn’t for me, I just keep on going. Until I break.

And I’ve never stopped to take a breath. I’ve never stopped to look around. All my life I just kept on going. And nobody would stop me. Nobody would try.

But you. You slow me down.

 

DAY FORTY-NINE.

I have a clear vision of what I want for my future. And honestly, I am nowhere near going that way. I feel like everyday I am drifting more and more away from those dreams.

I’m not sure who to blame, but I’ve never felt like I had the freedom to do what I want. Everything in my life had been decided under pressure. Because one thing the people around me never gave me was time. And that’s what I needed. And still need. Time.

Also support. The support is there when things are good. But when life gets hard, I need to work harder. Try to do better. But I don’t want. I can’t. Not anymore. I just want to do what I love to do. So, please let me. Why won’t you let me?

DAY FORTY-EIGHT.

Everyone has their own definition of happiness. Music makes some happy. The sun shining does it to others. A certain job might make you feel like you’re on top of the world. Except, the rest of the world doesn’t understand.

Just because we don’t understand, doesn’t mean it’s not good enough. We can define our own happiness. Those differences between people are good. We need variation. We can’t have everyone to love the same things. Life would be so boring if that were the case.

Whatever makes you happy, choose it. Choose happiness. It will put colour in your black and white world.

DAY FORTY-SEVEN.

The world is such a beautiful place. It has so much to offer to us. And you might just be one person to the world. But you can change the world if you’re willing to. Together with the people around you.

Love is amazing. And it is all around. To love and to be loved, that is what is most important in this life. Forget about success. Forget about education. Forget about all the things you’re expected to do. Just take a step back and love. Love everyone around you.

Love wins. It’s big. It’s great. And it happens. Even when you don’t want it to happen, it will. You will fall in love. With people. With things. With places. With moments. With everything.

DAY FORTY-SIX.

I do so much to please the people around me. To make them happy. I say yes to everything, just because I’m afraid to let them down.

But sometimes in life you have to be a little selfish. Choose yourself over others. Mostly to take care of yourself. Because if you don’t, it will break you.

So, today I said no. Not because I didn’t want to go, but because I can’t. I have too much on my mind. Too much work to do. And I know you don’t understand. That’s okay. I just have to put me first right now. Until I sort myself out.

DAY FORTY-FIVE.

We work so hard to get where we want to be. To get the things we want to have. To create a life for ourselves. A live that is worth living.

But sometimes it isn’t enough. Sometimes you work so hard on something, but still end up failing. And you don’t know why.

You can’t be good at everything. But they say that if you work really hard for it, you can get yourself there. But is that even true? Does hard work really pay off? Because I’m starting to doubt it.

DAY FORTY-FOUR.

On my best days it’s like the sun it’s shining, even when it’s not.

But some days dark clouds come over me. Clouds no one but me can see. And I can feel them too. The demons are taking over my body and this sadness comes over me.

But how do I escape? How do I get out of a normal life? How do I escape the sadness? Why can’t anybody see how I feel? Am I really that good at hiding it? Do I really have to spell it out? Do I really have to write it down?